Dan has adopted a gremlin. I know that isn’t a nice thing to call his mother, but I have never been one for social niceties. Her saving grace is that she’s pretty low key. She stays downstairs, and eats what we give her, except the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. She is deaf, so we can be as loud as we want and do what we have always been doing, like stomping around, having loud sex (Dan wishes), being weird, whatever. His mom is physically handicapped, so she is unable to walk upstairs without a direct invitation. Dan drives her upstairs a couple times a week to bathe. She doesn’t feel safe in the downstairs shower. It’s not designed for her condition. She’s also missing teeth and has no dentures. That does nothing for her outward appearance. She came with nothing but the clothes on her back. It’s been a month. So far, we're hanging in there.
Our home is large enough to separate the two spaces, so it’s more like she’s moved in next door, to a lower apartment. Dan works downstairs and has been doing the majority of the work to assist her. She basically watches TV and sits all day. Or sleeps sitting with her mouth open. And she gets her exercise by walking to the porch with her walker (that we found) to have a smoke. Dan’s mom called him because she was in a homeless shelter in Oregon. She lived in Oregon her whole life. I think she did a lot of meth. In the twenty three years that Dan and I have been together I met his mom 3 times. When James was three she appeared with a friend, crashed at our place for a couple days and partied like it was 1975. This included cheap cigarettes and canned beer on our dime. Before leaving, she hit us up for cash, for “a grave marker” for Dan’s sister that passed away 40 years ago. Then, when Emerald was about the same age, 3 years old, 10 years later, she popped over again. And she hit us up on her way out using the gravestone scam. That only works once. The third time she was brought over by her sister, a truck driver, for an almost normal visit. We had a barbecue at our home and I met his aunt and some cousins. They lived fifteen minutes away, but I had no idea they existed. None of the family members on Dan’s mom’s side ever called us. We all barely know one another. It is awkward, but most families that don’t communicate are. I think a giant bottle of Costco Vodka was demolished on that visit, and that pretty much sums up our acquaintance. Dan was raised by his grandmother and his father. His father died when he was 21, and we started dating when Dan was 24 years old, 3 years later. I adored his grandmother, who we cared for in our home for 5 years. She read so many books and we bonded. I love books too! Grandma was into romance novels and the National Enquirer. She was kind of a racist Oakey, but so was her entire generation. She wanted to "give" Dan the house, but we had to buy off her shitbag, conservator daughter who sued us for $75,000. We didn't fight it because the money was supposed to pay for Grandma's care. Surprise, her kids were selfish, greedy assholes and dumped their mother in a home, her greatest fear. Before grandma was taken, she and I would chat about Dan’s childhood. She loved him so much, she put him up on a pedestal, “Danny was such a good boy.” Dan’s grandmother was a kind person, and she raised Dan to be the giving, loving, hard ass person that he is. She gave us a piece of paper with her signature willing her gold ring to her grandson, John. The aunts stole it. I never met Dan's father in life. I’m a medium, so his father has appeared to me numerous times. Once it was to stop me from ruining one of his recipes, and another time it was to stop me from breaking up with Dan. He would also rub my head like I was a dumb baby. I sensed he was a decent person. When Dan’s mom visited, I felt Dan’s dad’s love for her, so I gave her a chance. And I’m still giving her a chance. Or trying in my own weird way. She just eats, hobbles around, smokes and poops. Maybe she’s not a gremlin. But she’s driving Dan a bit crazy. I think there's this karmic circle where the roles are reversed and you have to care for your kin. I kind of had a revelation, moving back to the hill,, and now it's Dan's turn. But I watched him already do it with his grandma. I guess his tests are still happening. I have been working and taking care of our teen. I was assisting my mother with her knee surgery, but I’ve tapped out. My mom and her sisters can live in the bed they made. I’m going to watch everyone else eat crap now. Dan had enough on his plate without having to adopt a grown ass woman who made poor choices. They were practically strangers and now they can get to know one another and finally have that mother and child bond. WOW. Cringe if you want to. The plus side is that we’re all learning sign language. I’ve read that new skills are necessary to fight the onset of Alzheimer’s. And Dan likes driving to Yuba City for his mom’s medications. Fun outings and tales of the People of Walmart, who could ask for more?
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July 2023
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