Chinese, Japanese, Dirty knees, look at these!” Child is holding his shirt out creating pointed Madonna breasts out of the fabric. Perhaps my “chinkness” is what helped to mold me into the awkward, painfully shy child that no one remembers. My mother was the only Asian in our tiny, rural, white, racist town. Three quarters of the population of Penn Valley has probably never left the county, still to this day.
“My mother is Thai.” “Taiwanese?” “No, Thai.” “From Taiwan?” “No, Thai, from Thailand.” “Taiwanese.” “Yes, fine, she’s Chinese from Taiwan.” “That’s what I said.” Not only was I small, slant-eyed and brown, I was a book reading super nerd. I sat under the oak trees on the rocks, singing quietly and refused offers to play “house,” which seemed like a bad idea. I was too shy to play with those happy, yellow haired beauties. They didn’t have a care in the world, as they frolicked and danced, their tresses reflected magically in the sunlight. I tried to fit in a couple times, even playing CCK or (chase, catch, kiss) which is a lesser version of pre rape. I pinched or punched any boy that actually caught me, no kissing, thanks, which did not secure my popularity. I was always by myself. It was lonely on the playground. I was sitting on the swings just kind of swaying loosely when a big kid, a popular big kid (I might have been in 1st grade and he was in the upper grades, 5th or 6th) walked straight toward me, staring me down. I assumed he was going to hit me like the children often did out of nowhere, and he was big. It would hurt. I braced myself. “Do you want me to push you?” What was this trick? I said yes, just in case I was dreaming. He smiled, he was nice, and he actually pushed me on the swing for quite some time. He didn’t push me out of the swing or grab the swing to make me fall out from the motion. He wasn’t weird, or a pervert to me. He was just sympathetic. I still remember his name. It was Myles Russell. He had long reddish brown hair, that was the style, guys with long hair. We’re talking 1979 or 1980 here. For once I was a normal child and no longer a reject. I am extremely grateful for his compassion, and smile. The bell rang and he waved goodbye. I heard a mean girl accost him on the way to their class. I also heard him say, “She’s sweet.” I am sweet! My heart swelled. I have no idea what happened to Myles, the considerate boy I remember from school at that time. I hope he’s a rock star in real life, not just in my eyes.
1 Comment
|
My mind wandersI write whatever I'm thinking in no particular order Archives
July 2023
Categories |