First thing my mother says to me this morning when I walk into my kitchen is, “Doesn’t James have a drinking problem? My necklace is missing.” She has dementia. I’ve been hearing about the jade bracelet or necklace, or whatever she lost this time for over a week. James does not have a drinking problem. My mother has a hoarding problem, a losing her shit, literally and figuratively problem, but James has his drinking under control.
“James doesn’t have a drinking problem. James, Dan, Emerald and I do not go in your room, nor do we like or want any of your jewelry.” This is true. Her jewelry is hideous and gaudy. You could not pay me to wear it. You would hope my mother would just shut up, but she continues, fixated on the same story loop that I’ve heard over a hundred times in the last week, that she took a shower and it was suddenly gone. Her version of suddenly could have been anywhere from yesterday to 30 years ago. Mostly she flips back and forth from about 10 years in the past to two weeks ago. As she emphasizes the importance and value of the jade bracelet it becomes a solid gold piece that someone could easily sell. I tell her to put a camera in her room. She thinks that’s a great idea. So do I, but even with a timer on it, she’ll never believe the time or date because her fucked up memory filled with holes and bullshit is more accurate than technology. The reason she has singled out James is because a couple days ago, when I switched insurance companies, we were all on the same plan and she had to sign a form to restrict James from driving her car, as they don’t want to cover him from previous claims. Sounds simple? No, now we’re all thieves and sneak into her room to go through her garbage pit piles when she’s showering. And James doesn’t even live with us; he’s a grown man out on his own, living off her gold. Her hoard is so valuable. We all want the gold, the tupperware, the good blankets and clothes from the 80’s that are dusty with tags on them. Going into her room is like going into a storage unit from a bad movie. If James ever even looked in that room, I guarantee he’d have nightmares. And this isn’t even what is bothering me. Two or three weeks ago it was a big screaming fit about how I have been secretly messaging her 78 year old boyfriend through her phone and we are somehow collaborating to meet up. Logic is out of the question. Kindness is out of the question. I attempt to meditate, “How to listen without trying to fix a problem, how to be present” all this means nothing. I feel like I’m being battered with an invisible baseball bat of stupidity. There are not enough deep breathing and meditation techniques in existence to deal with an unmedicated, spoiled, bipolar narcissist with dementia. That is all. Buddha, get my back, homie. I’m seriously about to throw my own fit. Happy New Years? Sure. Another day, same old shit at my place.
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I have had seventeen cats in my life. Well, I cared for seventeen cats personally, and I currently manage a friend’s cat’s instagram account. That story begins with the 2020 COVID-19 first round “stay at home” order in March. Being stuck at home, we had too much time to text back and forth after seeing a “cat influencer” program on Netflix. Here’s Leche, actually a very interesting cat: https://www.instagram.com/leche_kitty/, he’s much fatter and more strange than these photos can depict. But this is different, this is a shadow cat. It’s actually a shadow. I don’t know if it’s the house spirit, or one of my dead cats that has come to visit.
Emerald was the first to spot it. She was going down the stairs and said, “Whoah, Lovey,” and then realizing that the cat that just went around her legs wasn’t an actual flesh and blood cat, our dark grey, fluffy cat, who also has an instagram account: https://www.instagram.com/lovey_sun_kitty/ , but a shadow that was shaped as a cat, and acted like a cat. Emerald paused and looked at me. “A cat shadow just went by me. It looked like Lovey.” She said it matter of factly, even though she has always been a skeptic. Since I was right there, but saw nothing, I asked her if she felt anything when it touched her, maybe fear or apprehension. I wanted to make sure it wasn’t an evil shadow being pretending to be a cat to gain access and sneak around the house. A lot of goods go missing, but Dan and I just joke about it, and blame the “house ghost.” Em said it just felt like our cat, so I assumed it was just the spirit of a cat that may have passed, on the property, Fluffy Dodo pants, Eddie, Pewter, Tumor, Suey Psycho, or Tibet, even the kittens. Maybe it was one of my mom’s cats, Daisy or Monster or Chani. We like cats, they’re not bad omens to us. We live on a hill in the middle of nowhere, so cats take care of the mice and rats, an all natural pest control. Sometimes our kitty friends get eaten by coyotes or foxes or bobcats, so it’s just the cycle of life. Sucks, but it’s true. A week or so later I was walking up or down the stairs and I saw the shadow cat, it slipped around my feet. I felt nothing, no dark ominous presence, just cat energy. They’re kind of sneaky, and can move like water. I didn’t recognize the shadow. I knew all the cats personally. It didn’t feel like one of mine. I then assumed it was the house spirit. I read an article, funny enough, after Em saw the cat shadow the first time. https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/how-to-appease-household-spirits-across-the-world I always leave foods/offerings outside of the house so the spirits can live out there. It’s a Thai or Asian thing. We have Spirit houses. Don’t judge. I like the spirits to remain outside. Spirit relatives that come in peace can sit around the table and hang out, on occasion, but I prefer supernatural visits on my own terms. They spook the animals. The next time the cat visited, it skirted around Dan’s foot while he was exiting our bedroom into the next room. The stairs, and downstairs is kind of dark. It’s the design, overly old fashioned, with terrible lighting that we haven’t replaced yet. Dan didn’t freak out, he just said, “Woah, I just watched a cat go around my foot, I thought it was Lovey, but it was not her. She’s outside.” I told Dan that Em and I also saw the shadow cat. I like other people being able to see things, so it’s not just crazy me talking weirdo voodoo again. But I was close in proximity, so maybe my antennae assisted their own abilities. Regardless, Shadow cat is real. I hope it likes tea and cake. |
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July 2023
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