I was a tom boy, swam in nasty ponds, had rock fights and punched people. You can not climb a tree wearing a dress, so there was no point. I never minded being covered in scabs and bruises. Who hasn't had five concussions and been knocked out 5 times? My cousin teased me the first time I wore a dress; I was in high school. He said that's the moment when he realized I was a girl.
It was fun to dress up in high school. I played with make-up a little, and didn't know what the heck I was doing. Because it was the 80's, people were doing the new wave punk shadow with wild bright lines that extended to the brow. It was ridiculous and fun, but it got old fast, because I was lazy. I minimized the time spent foofing and maximized the output. Black eyeliner, mascara and lip gloss; good to go. Perfect for the next 20 years. There was a show on television where women would attempt to get assistance, in their broken down cars, or get any kind of service without wearing make up. There were 3 times likely to be ignored and were passed over when they didn't wear make up. Mind blowing! Now I wear make up just in case I break down. I might need help with all the crappy cars I drive. I learned how to put on make up from a YouTube tutorial I watched about fifteen years ago. Make up artists transform dumpy girls turn into princesses. Magic make up can make all our ills go away. You see it now with the filters. When people think I look great, it's actually quite the opposite. When I'm feeling great I barely wear any make up. I don't need it, I'm content. If look like a slob, covered in paint clothes, wearing flip flops and my hair is a mess, don't worry, this is my happy place. "Are you sick?" Only of being judged. When I apply layer after layer, and dump so much spackle on my face that I don't recognize myself in the mirror, I'm in a dark space. If you think, "Woah, Anita looks one step down from a drag queen, or a prostitute," I'm hiding somewhere in there. Please be kind.
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July 2023
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